I wanted to create something beautiful, instead I ended up getting destroyed. Not quite so melodramatic but boy doesn't that sound good?

I am growing up and I spose it is working for me...but my hot pocket is gone and my tongue is burnt and I am so fucking lost it's kinda actually funny. It seems like a million miles have traveled beneath this soul and yet I have seen nothing. I can't explain a love, I can't make it real. I am a lost little girl who lives in her own happy little world. It's not copacetic for reality and that thought makes me nausea.

I wanted freedom and I got it, but being free is synonymous with being alone it seems. Too bad thoughts don't make good cuddle buddies...

There are things in life that I want, but they are wholly dependent on someone else, who, I do not know. These words fail me and I am insecure. I want him, but I really see no way that's going to happen...like it's not meant to be, and for that I cry. It's not like in the past, when the tears came from hopelessness...these tears are just saddness coalescing with hurt and turning into liquid dashed dreams. On the bright side, I feel more like myself then I have in years. I have learned more from him then most people in my life combined. I am spiraling slower now then ever before and achieving things I once thought impossible.

I am scared shitless. Scared that I'll fail, scared that I'll not even bother to try, and terrified that I'll end up alone.